At Random

Buying an airline ticket has never been a guarantee, but these days, man, you’re really rolling the dice!

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This Summer, the world’s elite Pickleball players converge on the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea to battle for the richest purse in the sport’s history.

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Our dear friends (and possibly very distant relatives) in the Swedish city of Malmo are encountering a new campaign to curb littering. Residents now receive a sexy audio message from a few special trash cans when they deposit their refuse. Sultry words of encouragement from the rubbish bins include...

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Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can’t get you off.

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A poor minister was having trouble managing his church. The income was pitiful, the plumbing rattled, the roof leaked, the air conditioning didn’t work, and the church didn’t have the funds for any repairs.

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In the Garden of Eden, Eve said, “God, I have a problem. It’s a lovely garden and all but I’m lonely and sick of eating apples.”

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Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16-gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As fate would have it, his loyal dog followed him out of the blind and knocked over the gun. It went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin.

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Haircuts

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With the efficiency of a Parris Island barber, 2022 has dished out haircuts left and right. As we near the half-way point of the year, many equity indexes trade near their bear market thresholds and plenty of “risk mitigating” fixed-income products fare only slightly better.

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Summer is here and that means youth sports are in full swing. Let’s make those two boozeless hours on those hot aluminum bleachers a little more bearable.

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My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.”

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Brazilian-born soccer player Marcelo—who is apparently good enough to get by with just the one name—was released by Lyon, his French club team early last month. As wind of his departure reached social media, speculation on the expulsion became rampant.

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“Hi! My name is Gertrude,” says the lady to the man next to her on the airplane. “I’m flying to California for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited!"

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An old Scottish man paced up and down outside the emergency room at Roodlands Hospital, near Gullane Golf Club.

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Arriving home after work, a man was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist, he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”

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Ole tells Sven that somebody stole his credit card a few months ago.

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Pay us back.

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Over the next few weeks, the graduating class of 2022 will swish-swish-swish across stages throughout the country and accept their diplomas. Once the gowns are shed and the futons are crammed into the waiting minivans, the young scholars will face a question that has been posed many, many times before them: “Now what the hell do I do?”

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You’ve dedicated your life to money management. Years of intense studying and work experience have narrowed the focus of your skill set. Your friends and family may have a vague idea of what you do at work, but they certainly know you’re not very useful when it comes to practical, real-world skills.

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Last month, our friends at Forbes released their annual billionaires list for 2022. Our At Random Genealogy Department scoured the 2,668 names and concluded that my Toyota Camry was still a very sensible vehicle choice.

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